Love message to my friends from the Pacific shores


Hour an a half ride from Panama-city, 15 min through the mango-trees alley and expensive villas led me to a small paradise, still not touched by the hand of rich people and local government. They are meant to turn this ‘hippy’ place to an expensive resort, like several beaches next by, but local fishermen community fight for their rights every day to save their houses and their land where they live for all their lives and grow their children. There are some cabanas for rent for a reasonable price, but most of the beach offers bamboo ranchos for rent and camp. During the week days you will barely see anyone here, but on weekends many locals come for a day or two to enjoy the warm waters of the Pacific. I came here just before the rain, just 5 min later and I would be wet all over under the strong tropical rain. Local family offered me a cup of hot coffee while I was waiting for the rain to stop. They were surprised that I am travelling alone. I rented my beach rancho for 4 dollars a night and stretched my tent. I spent 4 days here, reading, drawing and thinking about my life. So many memories crushed on me, making me feeling sad and happy. I met some artisans from Argentina and Chile who travel in couples all around Latin and Central America. One Jordanian girl told us, that her life change on 50% since she met us, since she saw how we live and make our ways through the world. She was jealous, how free we were, but what I came to realize, all of us have our own understanding of freedom. These artisans live free, making necklaces, earrings, bracelets and selling them on their way, they live in camps, having just few necessary things with them, playing on the drums and spin the fire under the stars and fool moon. They are happy, its their freedom. I do can live like them, but it wont be my freedom. I need much more from my life, I still love comfort of a bed in a cheap hostel, surrounded by many interesting people, and I know that I can make much more money and don’t need to worry couple months after, just enjoying travelling and seeing places. I love communicating with local people, to get inside their lives, to understand them and their culture.
I will always remember one guy from Ibague, Colombia, who let me stay in his house one night, even he was so much poorer then me. His house was just 4 walls, a small bed with a hard mattress, toilet only downstairs in the apartment of his family with no running water. He even paid for my lunch and gave me a precious present. When I ask myself why he did all that, I remember his last words: “You have so beautiful energy inside you and your heart is kind, you make people happy just sharing this energy and love with them”. Would I say he is poor after that experience, I wouldn’t, he is so much richer then all of us, he has all he need to be happy, his eyes are always shining and I can always see smile on his beautiful face. If I measure my richness like his, I would say that I am rich and I am happy. I feel lonely sometimes, but in spite of this I know that I am not ready to be with anyone now, I have to make my own way in order to find smth really important inside me, or I would say I did found it, I just need to make IT stronger, and become stronger myself.
There are lines in my journal I would love to share with you my dear friends and loved ones: “I’m lying on a deck of Patron boat reading Shantaram, light breeze swinging my hammock. I am thinking about my reality. What it is, what is my real world?? My heart is somewhere in Honduras with the man I endlessly love and don’t know if I ever meet him again. My mind far away in the jungle of Ecuador in community Mariposa with my dear Mamallacta family, travelling through universe with Don Kasimiro, the man, who helped me to find myself, who helped me to understand myself and taught me to direct my spirit to my path. My body is lost somewhere here in the Carribean between paradise San Blas Islands. And in spite of all the troubles and difficulties I am free and making my way through this big and amazing WORLD! I AM HAPPY with my reality!”

And sitting there on the deserted beach under the full moon I thought about my past days. This beautiful remote place on the pacific shore of Panama, where instead of people you see only pelicans sitting on the boats and happy dogs playing with each other or chasing birds, brought back the memories from my last 2 years. It reminded me my first day in Mancora, Peru, when I arrived there with my dear Chris and we relaxed on the beach under the same stylish rancho, just the ocean was much colder. My world, my reality were so different then, I didn’t know what a hard path I will have to walk to get to the point where I am now.
But mostly it reminded me of the beautiful days in Nuweiba camp, Egypt. Bonfire, unforgettable guitar sounds created by Mo’s hands (Nelly Furtado’s Maneater is still bumping in my ears and I feel our car jumping on the road), smiling faces of my dear Salwa and Disha and Ahmed, Ty you were in our hearts…even thou you were sailing down the Nile river. Amazing star sky, new born moon and gorgeous mountains around. I remember how we called parents and said that there was a sand storm and we cant get out of Nuweiba, such a beautiful lie… And just quietness, no sound, just splash of the waves breaking the peacefulness of the night… My dear Salwa, Disha, Mo, Ahmed, Ty, I am sending you my love from the pacific shores and keep the hope to meet all of you again in our little paradise.

And I am sending my loving energy to the ones who helped to get through the hard times: my family, Chris, Abu, Carlitos, Tillan and Kate, Leloo, Timka, Isaac, Anna, Ana, my Mamallacta family and all my friends who always support me and worry.

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